Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser – Inner Peace

The worst part about being a people pleaser – in my opinion – is the inner turmoil.  The constant weight of knowing there is someone expecting more of me, I can never do enough, I didn’t do it exactly as they hoped, by doing what one person wanted another is upset with me, and on it goes.

I would look at people who appeared to have peace and wondered ‘how do they do it, what is their secret’. 

The answer is, in my opinion, they are not controlled by my opinion – or anyone else’s.  They are not looking to others for validation.

Recently our small group did a study by Kyle Idleman called “gods at war”. My take away from this study was that I make the opinions of others a ‘god’ in my life – I idolize the person and their opinion.  Matthew 6:21 says “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also”. My heart treasures their opinion of me.  Then the turmoil begins, Suzie Q is pleased with me but Sally Jo is not. I cannot ‘serve two masters’ as verse 24 of the same chapter says. I cannot please both of them. And if I am pleasing them, I am certainly not pleasing God!  No wonder my nerves are tied like a pretzel and I cannot make a firm decision of the direction to go. I cannot have inner peace when I am so conflicted internally.

If I choose to do something which pleases another person and there are good consequences, they are willing to accept the responsibility “see I told you so”. BUT…… I the result is not pleasing, they are not responsible, I am. I am the one who chose my action, I am the one who will responsible and I am the one who will suffer as a result.  I may try the ‘victim’ role but in the end I made the decision.

If I desire to serve God, I cannot serve man. God did not make the other person more valuable than myself. I am valuable, I can make my own decisions and I can live with the consequences of my my decisions.

So why do I question myself?

Perhaps it is a lack of self-confidence. Maybe it is part of my perfectionist attitude that tells me if anyone sees me as a failure then I am a failure. After much soul searching I wonder if it a lack of faith. I am placing more trust in the people around me than on God. (ouch, that hurt)

Big question, now that I am facing this question of faith, what am I going to do with it?

This blog is one thing. I am making myself accountable – not to you, but to myself. By journaling like this I am learning about myself. Once the issue comes to my heart and mind I cannot ignore it. I am facing it.  I do this publicly because I don’t believe I am doing it alone. I may change my point of view several times as I search deeper. I am facing myself in the mirror. I don’t want to put makeup over the sore spots, I want to heal them. I want inner peace. I want the PEACE OF GOD flowing through my entire being.  I cannot achieve God’s peace striving for man’s peace.

Am I alone in this? Comment below if you are on this journey as well.

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